As I write this I am preparing to officiate at the funeral of a woman who had been a member of this synagogue for almost 75 years. She turned 96 years old last month. She and her husband had been married for over 70 years before his passing five years ago. Without question she lived a long life in terms of years.
When he heard of her passing a congregant mentioned to me that she lived a “full life” and a “complete life.” I thought for a moment and questioned the person what that meant. He said that someone who lived for that long must have lived a fulfilling life. That statement has made me think about how we judge fulfillment and success. More often than not we quantify success based on longevity rather than using other measurements. Someone who lives to be 96 undoubtedly lived a lengthy life spanning almost a century. But did she do everything that she wanted? Did she see everything she wanted? Did she have any regrets of what might have been?
Another way to look at this might be through the lens of someone who dies at a much younger age. We all judge rather quickly that the person did not fulfill all of his or her dreams and passions simply because they died so early. In fact we use the word tragic when describing the death of someone who dies young. The word tragic is mostly absent when we express the loss of someone who lived more than 80 or even 90 years. Our reasoning is that we rely on the most quantifiable method of judging tragic loss or fulfilling life: years on earth.
Each person is different. Each of us has different goals and needs in life. Some of us aspire for things that others do not. We each gauge ourselves and those around us utilizing different measures and means. In the end it becomes difficult to assess whether one lived a fulfilling life, or if they died with regrets. We can never know.
Each of us should take the time to determine now what course of action will best guide us to the destination of fulfillment. We are never sure what comes tomorrow, if at all. We cannot wait until tomorrow to do that which we wish to accomplish today. Because in the end, no matter how long or short a person’s life was, death is always a tragic loss for someone close to that person.
May each of us only know happiness.
